My dearest Moni!
Like every year, I get a knot in my stomach when I sit down to write you this letter. There are still times when I get emotional saying your name or remembering you, and four years have already gone by. There are times when I miss you so much, when I'd call you to tell you some things, but you're no longer here.
This year I'm writing to you from the calm of an aeroplane, because since the last letter I wrote you, I've travelled a huge amount. My moments on planes and in airports are the moments when I try to switch off and think, when inspiration comes to me for new goals, projects and plans for the future. A little while ago I was thinking about how much my life has changed since the last time we saw each other. Among other things, I now live in Germany, I have friends from many different countries and most of the time I communicate in English. I realise that travelling and meeting people from other cultures has changed me. Sometimes we don't notice it, but we live in a bubble full of conventions and prejudices. There's nothing like going out and meeting people from other places to open your eyes and your mind.
Just over a year ago I started a life in Germany without speaking a word of the language and with only so-so English. I'd be lying if I told you it's all been easy, there have been moments of crisis and of despair, but I know from experience that the best thing about crises is how they end: you always come out much stronger and with many lessons learned. I like having something to offer others and I think the more you learn, the more you can offer. I'd also be lying if I told you it's all been hard, the balance for me is positive, I don't regret at all the step I took. There have been times when I've experienced an incredible sense of freedom, looking back and thinking that I was living the life I'd always dreamed of, feeling proud of my life. It's a beautiful thing to realise that you're capable of making your dreams come true and to have the feeling that your life is amazing. I feel super free, kind of super full, even though I'm not living the life expected of someone my age, but I don't care because I'm living the life that makes me happy. Nothing like the feeling I had a few years ago of being trapped in a life that wasn't evolving.
I think life is meant to be enjoyed, but sometimes I have so many plans, I want to do so many things and I want it all now, that in the end I don't enjoy the journey as I should. A while ago I read a phrase that struck me: "We overestimate what we can do in one year and underestimate what we can do in ten". I looked back and was amazed at all the things I've done in the last few years, even though I live constantly thinking I don't have time to do anything. I've done almost all the things I always said I wanted to do and never did. I realise that we live a life full of pointless chores, under a lot of pressure, creating a heap of unnecessary obligations that don't let us devote ourselves to what really matters: to designing our future, to thinking about the goals we want to reach and to drawing up a serious plan with dates and milestones to achieve it. We drift like a boat with no set course, just fulfilling obligations and... what's more important than steering our own life? A few years ago I resolved that on my deathbed I wouldn't regret not having done something, and since then I try to be authentic and true to myself. Why do we like to fill our lives with things that pull us away from our dreams? I think life has meaning when we don't let ourselves be carried along by routine and we always fight to get the things we really want, to learn and to help others with our experience. You learn to enjoy by pursuing and fulfilling your dreams, not by imagining that you're doing it.
Sometimes we forget that only we, individually, are the owners of our own life. We're terrified of doing many things, and above all we're terrified of doing them alone or feeling alone. Well, I tell you, facing your fears makes you see that life is never as terrifying as you imagine it or as others tell you it is. I recommend everyone step out of their comfort zone and experience things in their own skin, instead of simply believing what others say or what society imposes. I think, though I may be wrong, that only by being true to ourselves and to our feelings can we be happy.
I hope I can fulfil my next dreams, reach my new goals, and go on telling you many more things for many more years. I want to live life with passion, savour it and, if I can, inspire others to do the same. I send you an enormous kiss, wherever you are!